literature

_promises_ xoxo

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IndieRockGirl13's avatar
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Literature Text

i met you when i was three and you were eight and the world was still a concept i couldn't grasp.

it was so big - but it didn't matter, you were in it.

you came into my life between orange chalk stained knees and ritz crackers with peanut butter and jelly. you told me that i looked funny but you liked it because you liked the way i laughed. i had no idea what you were talking about i just knew that i liked the way you held my hands when i couldn't see my dad's gray slacks or smell my mother's lilac scent. it was funny because you had to bend your knees to keep from yanking my arm out of it's socket and it was okay because i was used to the tingling feeling in my fingers from my arm falling asleep.

i lost you when we left that house, with the spastic baby Labrador that liked to lick my skinned elbows and the little girls across the street who liked to play with my hair and dress me up in their two sizes too big overalls. because i was their doll and you were a knight and a cowboy and every superhero who puffed out his chest in the face of bee stings and prickly roses.

i found you when you recognized me sulking beneath a neon sign dancing with the words: you'llneverleave. you told me how you'd recognize that pout anywhere and how ten years had changed me but never from you. you thought you were so mature because the law said so and that in the decade we'd been apart, you'd learned from every mistake you'd never made and that no matter what i said or how shitty i felt, someday it'd get better. you knew that i'd been hurting myself not because you saw the faded tracks across my skin but because i wasn't laughing.

i fell in love with you when you hugged me at two am and promised me he'd never hurt me again, not as long as you were around, but how long would that be? i met you in secret on starlit roofs and between rotting branches and on swings creaking beneath the breeze of a summer sun. i'd always known it would be like this, i'd be with him and you with her and we'd always be apart and always together.

we knew it was wrong when i kissed you instead of him. that it was wrong and you'd get in trouble if we were ever caught but i needed you too much and you'd been longing for me from so far away and we just needed to know that tonight the world wouldn't matter because your lips were on mine and the hurt was just a static that i couldn't even remember. it was between tentative hands tousling my hair and my hungry thoughts tracing the hardened lines across your jaw that i gave in to what i'd known would always happen. it was between curling toes and fast paced breathing that i'd find the purple chords between your rib cage and the equally golden ones on mine, that wrote themselves into your soul and found the melody you'd been searching for in other heartbeats.

i watched you get on that plane last night. two nights ago. three weeks ago. 4 months ago. i can still feel their eyes on us because of the way my tinted glasses reeked of teenage angst and the scruffy beard halfheartedly sprouting on your chin, let them know that this is wrong and unnatural and before a public, judgmental in its thoughts.

catch me, i'm falling.

[promise me this won't be goodbye].

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet

Every roommate kept awake
By every sigh and scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't miss you yet

Only when I stop to think about it

- Three Days Grace
© 2010 - 2024 IndieRockGirl13
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LumiereFonce's avatar
Wow!So beautiful.